“Do You Remember?” they all ask…

I’ve decided to write this post to get a few things of my chest. I haven’t been sleeping well and Cancer seems to be all over the news/social media at the moment, which has left me feeling rather reflective…

“Do you remember?” they ask, either in general inquisitiveness or in hope that I don’t. I was 7. It was May…the weather was that uncomfortable mix of occasional rain and sunshine – the football season had come to a close and Sunderland, our local football team had been beaten by Liverpool in the FA Cup at Wembley.
He handed me his ticket for my memories box, he was disheartened but ever proud – that’s the kind of person my dad is. We would still make the 2 mile walk to the main road to watch the open-top bus return. We put on our shirts…I got to the next street and fell down, my knees an aching disappointment to all of us. I was up on his shoulders then; we carried on.

I’d seen myself on ITV news that night, pale with deep, darkened eyes. I was tired.

When I arrived at the GP surgery that Tuesday, I was bruised from sitting in the bath the night before. A dark rectangle clung to my ankle where a plaster had bruised my fragile skin. My chest ached and my legs felt weak. I felt as if I were barely there at all.

My nana and grandad had driven us from there to the local hospital, where I’d had a blood test, I’d faced the wall, terrified…I saw the same room only a few months ago when Emelie had been ill. It still made my chest tighten…

I was ill now. I was defined by a label I would possibly never shake. My journey started – the ward was symmetrical; as I looked left and right, doorways and rooms mirrored each other, as did the 6 bed ward the corridor opened out into. My bed was 2nd on the left – I didn’t want to get in – I lay on the top, an uncomfortable shape, admiring the balloon and check pattern beneath my aching legs. There, we met for the first time, some of the bravest, resilient people I have ever knew; where are they? I was admitted to the RVI, Newcastle and my parents were taken to a room to be told. I stayed behind, glancing at staring eyes to form common ground…

This was the very beginning – my very first day of a 2 year battle to save my life and secure my future.

And the answer is yes. I remember it well.


12 thoughts on ““Do You Remember?” they all ask…

    • It’s not as detailed as what I have for my book – I wanted readers to understand, even as a child, how vividly I saw things and experienced the feelings I had and how these things live with me every day. Thank you for stopping by and for the comment xx

  1. Wow, Just wow. What a descriptive way to explain what you went through. People don’t realise what a vivid memory children have and you are able to write it so well. You are amazing and it is wonderful you got through leukaemia and can give others support with your writing. Thank you so much for linking to PoCoLo x

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